A World that no longer cares.

As a preface, this poem was written after receiving an unexpected call with reference to my application for PiP (personal independence payment). I am hoping that by sharing it I can highlight the ways that memory issues sneek into everyday life, and sometimes can be totally debilitating.

People ask, how does it begin, surely you know when its happening,

But I don't, it just happens, it encloses around me and every try at a good thought is futile,

One minute the day is fine there are no warning signs, nothing that's threatening,

Then desperation fills my thoughts, darkness fills my mind, if I could escape I'd run a mile,

But its just not that easy, everybody thinks it is, the whirlpool sucking me down,

Grasping every sinew, tearing my mind from logical thinking, throwing me to the ground

Pounding in my head, blood pressure soaring, in my veins, I just want to scream, but I am bound,

A man no longer in control, possessed by my controlling mind, flinging me around,

And no, your right, it wasn't there earlier, the day was floating along without a care,

What changed it, well the unexpected is my achillies heal, and your call was enough to scare,

The beauty from my day, questions asked in a nonchalant way, but so important in my life,

But memory issues make things like this an ordeal if undertaken without my wife.

And so I answered them alone, thinking I could deal with you as you spoke to me on the phone,

But little did I realise that inside, my guts were churning, mouth drying, exposed to the bone,

The aftershock settled in after you were long gone, while I was all alone, questioning and probing,

As ever, totally wracked with self doubt, the shivers through my body, remaining, long aftprobinghad gone,

And so here I sit now, wondering , beguiled, lost and alone deep in thought over my performance,

Totally wrapped in my ineptitude , but you, well you have done your job, you caught me unawares,

You will write your report, misconstrued with your findings, a damming indictment, an idiot in a trance,

The end result of a lifetime of hurt, of isolation and of pain, stuck in world that no longer cares. your text here...